Do you ever get that feeling, an aching in your chest, a sudden transformation in emotions, a pain that seems to last for hours. Yeah… That one… We’ve all had at one point, some have had it more than others but we all know the feeling of when something hurts and I mean really hurts.
It’s strange really though isn’t it? You could be in the happiest mood in the world and someone could say one word, one name, one small thing and your whole day could turn to shit. Some people say it’s good to feel the pain because then you know you cared but nothing can make you feel better about it. Nothing will distract you from how much it hurts. It doesn’t stop there either because every single time someone mentions that word, that name, that one small thing the pain seems to come back with a vengeance.
I’m still yet to figure out how to stop it hurting or at least how to stop it from changing my mood. It’s difficult when you’re surrounded by the same people everyday, you just can’t seem to escape. Sometimes there’s days where you really just need to cry or punch something or maybe cry and punch something, but we all know in reality that if we were to begin crying and punching things in public we would probably be seen as a psychopath. That isn’t good.
Our other option is to talk about. That never seems to work for me either, I’d rather bottle it up, be the most moody shit in the whole universe, cry unexpectedly and put on a fake smile when people ask if I’m okay because talking about it seems stupid. Saying it aloud makes me realise how silly I am but nonetheless it doesn’t take any of the pain away. People can tell me I’m crazy, they can say I’m overthinking, they can even say I need to move on but that changes nothing, nothing whatsoever or at least not now anyway.
I’m sure it’ll be fine in the end. That the things that are hurting now won’t matter soon enough but until then here I am. It’s never as bad as it seems at first we just gotta march through until it gets better!