Where am I going?

Don’t worry I’m not lost, or am I? Nearly everyday teenagers get bombarded with questions of what they want to become,  what’s next and where they’re going in life. Honestly I have no idea, okay maybe that’s a lie, I have a little idea but that’s all it is a little idea.

Quite often I get asked the question “What do you wanna do when you grow up?” and that gets my head spinning as soon as the first few words are spoken.  I mean I have grown, everyone has grown but knowing that there’s so much more to come really frightens me. I’m being forced to make so many life changing decisions when I can’t even commit to simple things! It’s quite strange actually,  adults have been through the same things as us, the questions, the decisions but somehow when you’re sitting (or standing) there beside them they forget how hard it is to make these choices.

I’ve only just started college and tutors are talking about the “next step” and how important it is to weigh up all the options not forgetting to subtly hint that Uni is a great choice. The problem I have is that I know where I want to be and which sector I’d like to be in but not what I want to do and unfortunately the “What you want to do” bit is the most important especially when it comes to university. I’d hate to make a stupid decision now and look back to see I could have done things better because I was living in a world of dreams and not reality. I think what scares me most is the possibility of ending up not loving my job or even worse not having a job at all.

There are so many options to decide from which is making this process so much harder. Do I go straight into work or is University a better option? Should I take a gap year and study later or would I be wasting time? Should I do an apprenticeship or will I end up even more stressed than I am right now?! All of these questions are constantly spinning around my mind but nobody has the answer. I know I have to make this decision for myself but honestly life scares me, I’m not too good with the unexpected and everything seems pretty daunting right now. I fear though that I’ll leave it too late and the choice I end up deciding on won’t be possible anymore.

I’m a worrier and I can’t help it, any little thing could have my anxiety levels shoot through the roof. I can spend all night worrying about something so small and stupid like if my friend will like the can of Pringles I bought him, when I know for a fact he loves Pringles!! So when it’s a huge decision like this my mind is on edge constantly. I know that it may take a major breakdown of some sort before I can get over it but we’ll see what happens.


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